I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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