Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
