What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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