can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
