We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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