Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
