would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
