Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
