Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
