so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
