OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
