You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
