Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
