feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dick very happy bro
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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