there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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