I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We had to coat check the pizza.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
