So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
