I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
