I showed him my bush... on skype.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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