My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize