why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
