how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
