happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
