is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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