Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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