I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
