you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
