Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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