My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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