You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
