DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
