I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
