just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
