I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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