I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Boobs speak an international language.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize