I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
