my mouth tastes like poor choices
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
