i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
