I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
