dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
