you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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