Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
They left me at home... I'm a liability
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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