Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
