Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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