just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
