I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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