remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Nicole vs. Life
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Alive.
So much puke
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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