so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
