Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Couch. On fire.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
