I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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