I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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