a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
