Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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