I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
