Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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