Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize