Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
