the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think my fart just growled at me.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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