Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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