I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
