dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
